Wellbriety Journey for Forgiveness
Carlisle Indian School
Carlisle, PA, June 21, 2009
Reclaiming The Past at Carlisle
The tears we shed at the Indian cemetery of the former Carlisle Indian School site were tears of hurt and tears of rage, tears of love and tears of diamond water. The tears we shed at Carlisle were prayers and blessings, messages of love to the little spirits telling them they were not forgotten. The tears we shed at Carlisle that day were to thank them for their sacrifice…to thank them for their courage so that the generations culminating in us could live.
Memorial ceremony at the Carlisle Indian cemetery. The hardest part of this day is the knowledge of what happened here and the fact that it all goes by unnoticed. There is no acknowledgment about what went on here and the many lives that were lost at this boarding school that began our many years of hurt.
When we visited the new grave site it amazed and saddened us that so many headstones read Unknown. Unknown was displayed throughout the gravesite, and one row in particular had eight consecutively. We cried at this ceremony for all the children that were left behind and the ones that were never returned to their families. Some of the headstones had last names that we could recognize from the descendents we met on the many stops of this Journey. There has to be a place where these remains belong. There has to be a place where they may rest. They have been moved from the original burial site. It is left to one’s own thought as to what really happened with the remains and where they all might be.
Mother Earth's Daughters,
an all woman drum The Day at Carlisle
Three of the Hoop carriers were Teddy Lloyd, Kip Stossweister and Amy Walker. Brandy Jo was brought in by Daijanna Wilson. Our Elder Ozzie Williamson carried the Eagle Staff. We had an all-female drum, Mother Earth’s Daughters. There were also some wonderful children who played throughout the day in their regalia. It was an awesome sight to see those little ones there with such free spirits.
We were surprised to see as many people here as there are, approximately 50, perhaps more. People came from many places today. We had people from Maine, North Carolina, and other areas. There were not many people from the Base who attended. Raven Lloyd, who was our last minute savior and coordinator for this event, met us at the hotel the night before the event and brought us to the Base. We acquired weekend passes. Currently Carlisle is the site of the U.S. Army War College where they teach high-level military subjects and confer Master’s degrees. Raven, who helped make this event happen for us, lives on the Base and has her own background with boarding schools.
Coordinator Raven Lloyd had the connections to allow the event to take place. Raven is the spouse of Teddy Lloyd, who is a military man. She was able to speak the truth today about how she feels about the government sweeping the boarding school history under the rug. Raven went to a boarding school at a very young age and was taught to do farming. She believes that basically she was a slave. She was child labor for that place. She ran away from the school when she was 17 and started abusing alcohol and drugs. When she was sent to the school she had great resentment toward her mother. She felt that her mother had abandoned her. Raven continues to work on those issues today. She says she is not sure if she is ready to forgive, but she does have the understanding that for personal growth, forgiveness is a necessity.
This site where the Carlisle Indian Industrial School was located from 1879 until 1918 is called Carlisle Barracks. Its use by the U.S. government extends all the way from 1777 to its present day location of the U.S. Army War College. The War College has been here since 1951. We were told that the first building the children would see when they arrived at Carlisle Indian School was The Hessian House, which was a stronghold at one time for weapons. It later became a jail for children or military personnel depending upon the era. Today the cells remain and are used for storage. There is a replica of a service man, beaten up, sitting on the bed in one of the cells. There is also a life size replica of Jim Thorpe and a few other manikins throughout this building with some history of incidents other than mention of the boarding school.
Elder Ozzie Williamson at the Carlisle event Our Elder Ozzie Williamson was able to attend the Carlisle event with us. It is a great honor to listen and be acquainted with him. He shares with us much wisdom and has enlightening stories to share.
During our sharing session, Ozzie said a lot of our young people are suffering. You don’t have to live that way, he said. He told us to keep your head on straight and do what is right. He tells us about families that are non- drinking but have no love, either. Ozzie shares his personal story about lack of love growing up. The first time his mom ever hugged him was when he came home from Korea. She came running outside, grabbed him and hugged him. She was crying. He didn’t know what to do so he hugged her and cried with her. He was 23 years old and he has never forgotten it. He learned it is important to hug his children. His kids are all grown. He doesn’t want them to feel what he felt––unloved. Ozzie says today is Father’s Day and his messages will be full on his cell phone when he can get to them. Because, when he got sober he became a dad. Ozzie tells all the dads to love their kids as much as they possibly can. It’s great to see Indian men tell their children they love them in public.
Amy Walker shared with us that her mother is full Cherokee. She remembers her telling the children she would run away from boarding school. Her mother never told them why she ran away so often. She said when she began her own healing she couldn’t hug her mother without her mother getting stiff as a board. She learned to tell her own kids she loved them. Amy remembers her mother saying that Andrew Jackson is one man that should have been born dead. I learned to hate that man, she said.
The Gathering at the Carlisle Event Amy’s father is a Lakota from Rosebud. She was 10 when he passed away. Amy believes he went to Carlisle. She has searched for his name on the records but has not found anything. When he started school his name was Lone Wolf, but it changed to the boarding school name of Ernest Grant. Ms. Walker is now 37 years sober. She says it took 10 years of sobriety to realize that she likes herself. She prays every day and asks the Creator for the ability to love herself. She still has to tell herself that she is important and that she is okay. Today she is carrying a picture of her mom with her. Amy believes she and her mother’s life are parallel. Amy’s mother raised eight children by herself. The cycle needs to be broken she says. Amy’s daughter and grandchild are learning the Cherokee language.
Tears of Diamond Water A Good Day Filled with Diamond Tears
It is a tragic thing to recognize the horrific acts that are inflicted on human beings by human beings. It is even more ironic to be sitting in Washington DC, writing this, and acknowledging that this is the place where those orders creating the Carlisle Indian Industrial School, and the others, originated. It is necessary to process everything that we have witnessed and been a part of on this Journey. It is important to forgive it so that healing can take place in this nation out of necessity…so that our children may live healthier, happier, more balanced lives than we or our ancestors did. Change is to bring back the spirituality, culture, love and language. Chi Migweetch.
~ Forgiveness Journey Team
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